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| forever the king. <3.
i cried. i've been crying since i heard what happened, since i've discovered how much of an asshole i was back then (for what i so stupidly thought.) i've been crying, yeah, but when i saw that picture. that picture. ...that did it. that picture did it. what really got me, though, what really fucking tore me apart, was that people, people who are surprisingly human, were leaving nasty, hateful, && hurtful comments. to be quite honest, im ashamed. im ashamed to be classified in the same category as them; as "human-beings." living creatures who are suppose to have a heart. who are suppose to be taught compassion && respect as a kid. maybe their mothers didnt teach them those things, but my mother did a damn good job at teaching me && i find it dispicable that others can talk nasty like that. i find it disgusting. i know he's better off now, though. he doesnt have the pressure from all the expectationns. he doesnt have to deal with all the stress && hurtfulness this world contains. he can climb all the trees in the world now && have as many water balloon fights as he wants. he's safe now. he's free. | | |
| i've been listening to MJ's music all day today && i feel so ashamed, so guilty, that i just picked up his music now && it took his death for me to do that. i feel sick that that's the case. >:[ </3. | | |
| just a little something. you may not like it, nor care about it, but i do.i just finished watching an interview thing called "Living with Michael Jackson" on t.v. && i truly feel really horrible now.
i never watched interviews of him, i never heard him speak his side to the stories && shit that was all over the news years ago, && i always based my opinions about him on what the "reporters" were saying. i feel terrible about that.
during this show, that originally aired in 2003, i heard him speak his mind && my opinion about him has honestly changed. i hate that im starting to pay attention now. im so ashamed that i let my opinions be influenced by others instead of the actual person it was about, because now i see that, you know what, he was just a human-being. a human. someone who was made just like us.
one of the things that really got me during these interviews, was that the interviewer kept nagging him about whether or not he had plastic surgery done to his whole face. Michael kept responding back "no," but the "reporter," asshole he was, kept asking. but you know what i have to say to that?...what the fuck of it if he did? seriously. think of it logically for a second. why would that change things if he did have it done? && the guy acted so tense when asking the question repeatedly, like he was asking Barack Obama what his plan is to get America out of this shithole.
i find it so completely ridiculous, && very shameful, that people in this world could be so invasive like that. it's disgusting, to be honest.
i feel so bad for what my views were on Michael before i even really heard anything by him, && i really hope that all those "reporters" out there feel bad, too, for invading him like they did.
who gives a fuck about plastic surgery? everyone does it. for all you know, i could of gotten a boob-job. | | |
| my family. my fucking family. my most fucking prized possesion is fucking crumbling in front of my face. - he sells pills (&& takes them), cocaine, && God only knows what else. point-blank: being a drug dealer is just as risky as being an addict. you can die any minute.
- he#2 does pills, God only knows what kind. his "medical" thing is getting worse.
- she might still be clean, but who the hell knows if we barely see her. she could so easily relapse.
- my mom's heart && lungs && back are bad. they've always been. but who knows how much more they can withstand.
im scared for the lives of the people that mean more to me than any other thing in this world. i love them. i need them in my life. fuck. | | |
| i feel myself slipping.i dont know if it's just my mood right now, but i think im slipping. not necessarily slipping into cutting again, but i feel myself getting sucked into that state of mind again. the state of mind where i wasnt happy. i found my happiness, i found the happiness i needed, but it's being clouded over by whatever fucking demons are inside me. it's as if it doesnt matter. as if everything i have good in my life doesnt matter. i know that's not true, i wont let that be true. i love my family, im so glad i have them. im so afraid of losing them. oh God, im so scared. i dont know what i'd do if something were to happen. i'd die. every piece of my soul would die. i'd be nothing anymore. im scared of the future. im scared of what might happen. im scared of what wont happen. it's these fears that are haunting me && killing me. these fears...these worries. i cant take them anymore. they hurt so bad. they hurt more than anything else in this world. | | |
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im a very loving person, && i enjoy the simplest of things. just looking at the sun setting can make me smile. i love when people can make me laugh; i feel that laughter is something that can cure many things, && this world needs more of that. i would love to meet more people who are very opinionated && who sticks to their guns (water guns, of course. ; MAKE LOVE, NOT WAR.) i have a good self-esteem. im confident in myself most of the time, && i dont care what most people think of me. i dont care if people laugh at me or with me. i love having fun, but to every bright side, there's a dark side, && i definitely have mine. it's obviously a very significant part of who i am.
