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Name: luisa
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Monday, November 30, 2009

i cant trust anyone.

all i've ever known was lies. i feel as if i cant trust anyone with anything because everytime i do, they always give me another reason to lock away my trust && faith in humanity.


Saturday, November 21, 2009

im blowing up your whole spot. i dont give a fuck anymore.

this is a conversation from January 17th, 2009. i should of posted this awhile ago, but better late than never, ay?

i wont mention the names, for now, but you know EXACTLY who you are. 

MAGGOT = the screenname.
iNxlOvEx930 = my old screenname.
MAGGOT1 = the owner of the screenname. 
MAGGOT2 = maggot 1's ass-kisser.
INNOCENT BYSTANDER 1,2, 3 = people whose names i dont think is worth being near such animosity.  

MAGGOT (9:46:21 PM): hey
iNxlOvEx930 (9:46:35 PM): why do you continue to IM me?
iNxlOvEx930 (9:46:47 PM): havent you got the message that i do not want to talk to you?
MAGGOT (9:46:59 PM): what did i fucking do to you
iNxlOvEx930 (9:47:16 PM): is that even necessary to ask? 
MAGGOT (9:47:28 PM): yes it fucking is
MAGGOT (9:47:39 PM): because i didnt do shit to
MAGGOT (9:47:40 PM): you
iNxlOvEx930 (9:47:44 PM): you didnt?
MAGGOT (9:48:02 PM): if i fucking did, i apologized for it all
iNxlOvEx930 (9:48:20 PM): hm. yes, but sometimes apologies arent accepted. && i told you yours wasnt.
MAGGOT (9:48:31 PM): well i don't give a fuck luisa
iNxlOvEx930 (9:48:38 PM): but even if i did accept it, you still did it. apologizing doesnt make it all go away.
MAGGOT (9:48:42 PM): im trying to be nice and this hardly ever fucking happens
iNxlOvEx930 (9:48:54 PM): no need to tell me something i already know.
MAGGOT (9:49:00 PM): i never fucking said half the shit you just said
MAGGOT (9:49:16 PM): are you on a laptop?
MAGGOT (9:49:19 PM): or computer
iNxlOvEx930 (9:49:31 PM): computer.
MAGGOT (9:49:40 PM): click accept
MAGGOT (9:50:05 PM): CLICK ACCEPT
iNxlOvEx930 (9:50:08 PM): speakers arent working.
MAGGOT (9:50:10 PM): just listen to it
iNxlOvEx930 (9:50:13 PM): && excuse you.
MAGGOT (9:50:15 PM): mhmm
MAGGOT (9:50:23 PM): excuse me
MAGGOT (9:50:28 PM): i have nothing to excuse myself for hun
iNxlOvEx930 (9:50:38 PM): to me, you do.
iNxlOvEx930 (9:50:42 PM): but that's my opinion.
MAGGOT (9:50:52 PM): well to myself i don't
MAGGOT (9:50:57 PM): but what did i do that i have to excuse myself for
iNxlOvEx930 (9:51:00 PM): && that's your opinion.
iNxlOvEx930 (9:51:10 PM): MAGGOT (9:49:40 PM): click accept
MAGGOT (9:50:05 PM): CLICK ACCEPT
iNxlOvEx930 (9:51:11 PM): that.
iNxlOvEx930 (9:51:28 PM): seems like you were demanding.
MAGGOT (9:53:08 PM): so hun, get this excuse you for being the most emost bitch that i have ever met that everyone that's in your life isn't good enough for you, you syay your life sucks but it kinda dont, you have like the best bf and alotta things going for you if you just open up yur eyes for once in your life and not cut because its not going according to your "standards", you need to work for a good life its not jusst gunna happen like BAM "my lifes amazing" thats not the way it works
iNxlOvEx930 (9:54:17 PM): MAGGOT1, please dont tell me whether my life is good or not. you're really in no position to tell me if it is. you dont know the shit i go through nor ever will.
iNxlOvEx930 (9:54:40 PM): && emo...please. find a new word. like cutter. because that's what i am. emo is nuthing anymore. it's too over used.
iNxlOvEx930 (9:54:50 PM): && just to let you know, me && INNOCENT BYSTANDER2 arent together anymore.
MAGGOT (9:55:16 PM): trust me if there is "shit" i doubt id want to go through it or hear about it cause then i might be u or actually have sympathy for you and that id have to kill myself, so wait what happened did it feel weird awww the poor poor luisa
iNxlOvEx930 (9:55:20 PM): but even if we were, or i had another boyfriend, do you think that'll make my life amazing? do you really think that that'll take away the pain i fucking feel?
MAGGOT (9:55:37 PM): awww you feel pain
MAGGOT (9:55:40 PM): im sawwy
MAGGOT (9:55:45 PM): i do too
MAGGOT (9:55:54 PM): your not the only person in the fucking shitty world
iNxlOvEx930 (9:55:58 PM): MAGGOT1, you really have no clue what you're saying.
MAGGOT (9:56:07 PM): o no trust me hun i do
iNxlOvEx930 (9:56:08 PM): i fucking know that already, im not that stupid.
MAGGOT (9:56:15 PM): o be honest i dotp
MAGGOT (9:56:23 PM): and so does MAGGOT2 this is now MAGGOT2
MAGGOT (9:56:31 PM): let me ripe a hole in u now
MAGGOT (9:56:38 PM): its my turn
MAGGOT (9:56:39 PM): ok u r a bitch
MAGGOT (9:56:44 PM): u hiurt INNOCENT BYSTANDER1
MAGGOT (9:56:45 PM): nd INNOCENT BYSTANDER2 nd\
iNxlOvEx930 (9:56:45 PM): && btw, i wouldnt want your sympathy. i dont want anyones.
iNxlOvEx930 (9:56:53 PM): i hurt INNOCENT BYSTANDER2?
MAGGOT (9:56:55 PM): they go craling back
MAGGOT (9:56:57 PM): to emmo ass
MAGGOT (9:57:08 PM): i dnt know what ppl see in u
MAGGOT (9:57:16 PM): nd i swear u fuck with INNOCENT BYSTANDER3 or maek him
MAGGOT (9:57:17 PM): cry once more
MAGGOT (9:57:19 PM): i swear luisa
iNxlOvEx930 (9:57:21 PM): i dont either. at least we agree on something.
MAGGOT (9:57:26 PM): nd its no threat
MAGGOT (9:57:29 PM): or demand its a fuckin promise
MAGGOT (9:57:41 PM): i said its my turn
iNxlOvEx930 (9:57:41 PM): im sorry that i dont like INNOCENT BYSTANDER3 like that.
MAGGOT (9:57:44 PM): stfu
iNxlOvEx930 (9:57:49 PM): im not gunna go out with him if i dont like him.
iNxlOvEx930 (9:57:55 PM): i dont mean to make anyone unhappy.
MAGGOT (9:58:00 PM): ok i hate u nd i know
MAGGOT (9:58:07 PM): things ppl dnt know bout u
iNxlOvEx930 (9:58:09 PM): im sorry i cant please everyone.
MAGGOT (9:58:12 PM): im stronger nd i think or ppl think better
MAGGOT (9:58:18 PM): u cnt please anyone
MAGGOT (9:58:21 PM): at least i can
MAGGOT (9:58:26 PM): i plz chris
MAGGOT (9:58:32 PM): im a good friend to all ppl
MAGGOT (9:58:33 PM): but u im
iNxlOvEx930 (9:58:35 PM): i dont open my legs to anything with a dick.
iNxlOvEx930 (9:58:37 PM): sorry.
MAGGOT (9:58:39 PM): done sayin the sorrys
MAGGOT (9:58:45 PM): i dont eather
iNxlOvEx930 (9:58:45 PM): im not a good friend?
MAGGOT (9:58:49 PM): i mean please
MAGGOT (9:58:52 PM): as in a good friend
iNxlOvEx930 (9:58:54 PM): just because i dont want to be your friend?
MAGGOT (9:59:00 PM): ppl like when i am around
iNxlOvEx930 (9:59:10 PM): && i care why?
MAGGOT (9:59:12 PM): no u dnt want to be friends with me 4 no reason
iNxlOvEx930 (9:59:15 PM): exactly; i dont care.
MAGGOT (9:59:15 PM): ik y u dnt
MAGGOT (9:59:22 PM): becasue i do good 4 u
MAGGOT (9:59:26 PM): i have alot goin 4 me to
MAGGOT (9:59:30 PM): nd u cnt take that
iNxlOvEx930 (9:59:35 PM): no reason? IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE A BITCH. YOU'RE A CUNT TO EVERYONE.
iNxlOvEx930 (9:59:38 PM): that's fucking why!
MAGGOT (9:59:43 PM): u wanna go back in a no life hole have a blast
MAGGOT (9:59:52 PM): enjoy cutting hey can u come nd cut my grass too
iNxlOvEx930 (10:00:10 PM): i couldnt care less about what you have going for you. if you're good, than fine. i dont care.
MAGGOT (10:00:13 PM): it need at trim
iNxlOvEx930 (10:00:19 PM): i care about myself. sorry for being seflish for ONE fucking moment.
iNxlOvEx930 (10:00:28 PM): i love how you joke about people cutting.
iNxlOvEx930 (10:00:30 PM): i really love it.
MAGGOT (10:00:37 PM): i dnt joke
MAGGOT (10:00:39 PM): i speak pthe truth
MAGGOT (10:00:44 PM): truth hurts babe
iNxlOvEx930 (10:00:44 PM): i hope you know that someone you "love" does it too.
iNxlOvEx930 (10:00:56 PM): yeah, i bet you dont say that shit to INNOCENT BYSTANDER1. oh, wait, you probably do.
MAGGOT (10:01:08 PM): i dont
MAGGOT (10:01:09 PM): becaus ei care bput him
iNxlOvEx930 (10:01:16 PM): mhm. sure.
MAGGOT (10:01:20 PM): u r a thing in lfe
MAGGOT (10:01:52 PM): well lets see at least ur one less person i have to pay to cut grass
MAGGOT (10:01:55 PM): how much
iNxlOvEx930 (10:01:56 PM): you say shit about people cutting yet most people cut because of inconsiderate heartless people like you.
iNxlOvEx930 (10:02:15 PM): i hope you enjoy your time in hell when you get there.
MAGGOT (10:02:15 PM): if its free ill take free 4 nvr talk9in to u ever again
iNxlOvEx930 (10:02:21 PM): i hear it's nice && warm.
MAGGOT (10:02:28 PM): no
MAGGOT (10:02:35 PM): thats where u r
MAGGOT (10:02:35 PM): or how u live
MAGGOT (10:02:45 PM): im a angel bitch
iNxlOvEx930 (10:02:47 PM): if you hate me so much, why continue talking to me?
MAGGOT (10:02:54 PM): well in my book a spoiled lil angel
MAGGOT (10:02:59 PM): i have wings nd a halo
iNxlOvEx930 (10:03:02 PM): yeah, okay. sending pictures of your shit isnt necessarily being an angel.
MAGGOT (10:03:05 PM): it shines so bright
iNxlOvEx930 (10:03:11 PM): oh yes, of course.
MAGGOT (10:03:21 PM): wait
MAGGOT (10:03:27 PM): pics u know ohh hahah
MAGGOT (10:03:41 PM): sorry
iNxlOvEx930 (10:03:43 PM): i heard almost every guy almost puking over them.
MAGGOT (10:04:10 PM): im in in the tuertal necks i like v neck shirts
MAGGOT (10:04:18 PM): so stay nice nd coved plz
MAGGOT (10:04:33 PM): noo ppl were pukin over ur fat ass cuttoin face
iNxlOvEx930 (10:04:52 PM): learn how to spell.
MAGGOT (10:04:53 PM): im srry i hate ur fuckin guts one day ull see u have no point in life
MAGGOT (10:04:58 PM): i feel like shit sayin this to u
iNxlOvEx930 (10:05:03 PM): it's very annoying when you cant even spell the simplest words.
MAGGOT (10:05:04 PM): but ur a mean person
iNxlOvEx930 (10:05:14 PM): im a mean person?
MAGGOT (10:05:15 PM): u remind me of a person who encurges ppl
MAGGOT (10:05:16 PM): to hate life
MAGGOT (10:05:32 PM): luisa this is MAGGOT1
iNxlOvEx930 (10:05:34 PM): im not the one who's basically encouraging someone to go cut themself or kill themself.
iNxlOvEx930 (10:05:39 PM): i hope you feel happy about yourself.
MAGGOT (10:05:55 PM): now i suggest you shut the fuck up about MAGGOT2's spelling because ur not perfect eitheir
iNxlOvEx930 (10:06:00 PM): i dont encourage people to hate life. if i hate a certain aspect of my life, that's my thing. no one elses.
iNxlOvEx930 (10:06:10 PM): i never said im perfect.
iNxlOvEx930 (10:06:21 PM): did i? hmm. nope, i didnt.
MAGGOT (10:06:23 PM): we ALL have our flaws and yours is looking ugly and cutting on the other hand MAGGOT2's is misspelling a few words
MAGGOT (10:06:34 PM): listen here you fucking cunt
iNxlOvEx930 (10:07:02 PM): i dont care if you think im ugly or if you think me cutting is a bad thing.
MAGGOT (10:07:06 PM): i swear to god if you ever EVER DARE make fun of MAGGOT2 again you will live a miserable life
iNxlOvEx930 (10:07:14 PM): i already do.
MAGGOT (10:07:17 PM): and i fucking promise you that you ugly mother fucking emo ass whore
iNxlOvEx930 (10:07:25 PM): thanks for trying to help, though.
MAGGOT (10:07:36 PM): no ill just make it worse
iNxlOvEx930 (10:07:39 PM): your words mean nuthing to me, i hope you know that.
iNxlOvEx930 (10:07:44 PM): you're just wasting your time.
iNxlOvEx930 (10:07:54 PM): && making yourself look ugly while you're at it.
iNxlOvEx930 (10:08:02 PM): but continue. you humor me.
iNxlOvEx930 (10:08:11 PM): you make me laugh.
iNxlOvEx930 (10:08:20 PM): you're a true comedian, you know that?
MAGGOT (10:08:24 PM): no your wasting your time, why dont you go cut yourself and bleed to death but first MAGGOT2's lawn on wednesday
iNxlOvEx930 (10:08:27 PM): maybe you could make a career out of that.
MAGGOT (10:08:36 PM): and your an ugly ass whore did you know that?
iNxlOvEx930 (10:08:43 PM): maybe i will bleed to death. if i do, that's my decision.
iNxlOvEx930 (10:08:51 PM): not yours.
MAGGOT (10:08:53 PM): good i hope you do
MAGGOT (10:09:01 PM): ok listen
iNxlOvEx930 (10:09:02 PM): thanks. maybe i'll see you in hell.
MAGGOT (10:09:11 PM): i really really wish you were alora
iNxlOvEx930 (10:09:17 PM): we could hang out down there together, have a little party.
MAGGOT (10:09:32 PM): why the fuck would i want to party with you
MAGGOT (10:09:41 PM): it wud b life the cutting parade
iNxlOvEx930 (10:09:42 PM): why do you continue to talk to me?
MAGGOT (10:09:46 PM): but listen
iNxlOvEx930 (10:09:51 PM): oh so many questions...so little time.
MAGGOT (10:09:58 PM): SHUT THE FUCK UP BITCH ITS MY TIME
iNxlOvEx930 (10:10:05 PM): haha.
iNxlOvEx930 (10:10:07 PM): humorous.
iNxlOvEx930 (10:10:14 PM): but go on. humor me.
iNxlOvEx930 (10:10:22 PM): say something you THINK will affect me.
iNxlOvEx930 (10:10:30 PM): say something you think will get me down.
iNxlOvEx930 (10:10:36 PM): you cant. nor will.
iNxlOvEx930 (10:10:44 PM): like i said before, your words mean nothing to me.
MAGGOT (10:10:46 PM): I SAID SHUT THE FUCK UP, THIS IS MY TIME
iNxlOvEx930 (10:10:54 PM): i saw what you wrote.
iNxlOvEx930 (10:10:56 PM): im not blind.
MAGGOT (10:11:00 PM): i wish you were alora i really honestly miss her, she was my best friend until some assholes had to fuck it up for her
MAGGOT (10:11:15 PM): SHE HAD A PURPUS IN LIFE UNLIKE SOMEONE
MAGGOT (10:11:21 PM): and yes i mean you
iNxlOvEx930 (10:11:29 PM): i'll have the last laugh...i gaurantee you that.
iNxlOvEx930 (10:11:34 PM): may not be soon, but i will.
iNxlOvEx930 (10:11:40 PM): when im living my dream.
MAGGOT (10:11:42 PM): i highly fucking doubt that honey
iNxlOvEx930 (10:11:46 PM): i'll be laughing in your face.
MAGGOT (10:11:56 PM): im already laughing in yours
iNxlOvEx930 (10:12:08 PM): you can doubt me as much as you want.
iNxlOvEx930 (10:12:15 PM): that's only motivating me more.
MAGGOT (10:12:25 PM): you know what motivates me
iNxlOvEx930 (10:12:28 PM): so i take back what i said before...your words do mean something...they mean motivation.
MAGGOT (10:12:39 PM): to what kill yourself
iNxlOvEx930 (10:12:44 PM): so i can live my dream && laugh in your face while doing so.
MAGGOT (10:12:50 PM): and hun once words are said they can't be taken back
iNxlOvEx930 (10:12:53 PM): if that was my dream, i would of done it a long time ago.
MAGGOT (10:13:03 PM): alright listen
iNxlOvEx930 (10:13:05 PM): who ever said anything about taking something back?
MAGGOT (10:13:12 PM): u fucking did u slut
iNxlOvEx930 (10:13:22 PM): i corrected myself.
iNxlOvEx930 (10:13:27 PM): i didnt take something back.
iNxlOvEx930 (10:13:29 PM): && im not a slut.
iNxlOvEx930 (10:13:33 PM): far from it, actually.
iNxlOvEx930 (10:13:41 PM): i dont send people pictures of myself.
MAGGOT (10:13:45 PM): i just want to throw up talking to you, even thinking about being friends with you last year that was my biggest mistake
MAGGOT (10:13:50 PM): and yes thats my flaw
iNxlOvEx930 (10:14:00 PM): if that's true, why do you continue to talk to me?
MAGGOT (10:14:06 PM): i take pictures of myself in the nude form and send them to people
iNxlOvEx930 (10:14:10 PM): why dont you just stop talking to me completely?
MAGGOT (10:14:12 PM): because i love laughing at you
iNxlOvEx930 (10:14:28 PM): mhm, im sure that's the case.
MAGGOT (10:14:35 PM): o btw
iNxlOvEx930 (10:14:45 PM): whatever helps you sleep at night.
MAGGOT (10:14:48 PM): ur doing yur job perfect, you know what your job is
iNxlOvEx930 (10:15:09 PM): i thought, according to you, i have no purpose in life, so why would i have a job?
MAGGOT (10:15:14 PM): showing me that i'm getting to you because if i wasnt you wudnt b messageng me back
MAGGOT (10:15:26 PM): honey i know what i say and i know what i have said
MAGGOT (10:15:36 PM): so theres no need to tell me what i say
iNxlOvEx930 (10:15:43 PM): im simply giving you your audience...what you've always wanted. because that is what you've wanted all along, isnt it MAGGOT1? attention, right?
iNxlOvEx930 (10:16:10 PM): correct me if im wrong, though.
MAGGOT (10:16:12 PM): no i get enough of it from my friends because unlike you i actually have some
iNxlOvEx930 (10:16:29 PM): i do have friends, but even if i didnt, i wouldnt care.
iNxlOvEx930 (10:16:35 PM): it wouldnt bother me, to be honest.
iNxlOvEx930 (10:16:40 PM): my family is enough for me.
iNxlOvEx930 (10:17:02 PM): see, i do have heart...i do care. i just care about the ones that i know care for me.
iNxlOvEx930 (10:17:13 PM): not inconsiderate people like you.
iNxlOvEx930 (10:17:28 PM): so if im rude to you, there's a reason for it.
MAGGOT (10:17:37 PM): i have one to just when it cones to you, it turns black
iNxlOvEx930 (10:17:58 PM): im happy you feel that way.
MAGGOT (10:17:59 PM): well see i did care about you until you got pissed at me for doing NOTHING to you
iNxlOvEx930 (10:18:01 PM): it warms my heart.
MAGGOT (10:18:11 PM): you know what warms mine
iNxlOvEx930 (10:18:15 PM): you did do something, MAGGOT1, how many times do i have to tell you?
MAGGOT (10:18:22 PM): the fact that i know this is getting to you
iNxlOvEx930 (10:18:32 PM): i've told you this months ago && even recently.
MAGGOT (10:18:59 PM): just tell me ms.ugly fucking cunt whore, what did i do to you
iNxlOvEx930 (10:19:17 PM): getting to me? well your words are getting to me in the fact that they're getting me where i want in life. but nuthing else.
iNxlOvEx930 (10:19:31 PM): i love how you have to curse to try && insult me.
MAGGOT (10:19:35 PM): learn how to spell
iNxlOvEx930 (10:19:40 PM): however, i will tell you what you did...
MAGGOT (10:19:44 PM): i dont have to curse
MAGGOT (10:19:46 PM): i just do
iNxlOvEx930 (10:20:58 PM): you tried to get me down by telling me people hate me. i hoenstly couldnt care less about that, but that just proves that you'd say something mean like that to people which means you're a rude person. i hate rude people. i honestly do. && you also lie about a lot of things. you hurt peoples feelings. you mess with peoples heads.
iNxlOvEx930 (10:21:11 PM): i dont want to be friends with someone like that. i just dont like you as a person.
iNxlOvEx930 (10:21:33 PM): dont take it personal, though, because anyone who acts like that wouldnt be considered my friend.
MAGGOT (10:21:52 PM): why would i take an insult from you persona;
MAGGOT (10:21:56 PM): personal
MAGGOT (10:22:17 PM): your just some itty bitty fragment of glass stuck in my head
iNxlOvEx930 (10:22:26 PM): that seems serious.
iNxlOvEx930 (10:22:30 PM): you should get that checked out.
MAGGOT (10:22:34 PM): not at all
iNxlOvEx930 (10:22:36 PM): having glass in your head is very dangerous.
MAGGOT (10:22:39 PM): because i cud get it out
iNxlOvEx930 (10:22:56 PM): than why dont you? all you have to do is stop talking to me. simple.
MAGGOT (10:23:08 PM): because i love just cutting myself deeper
iNxlOvEx930 (10:23:18 PM): i thought that was me?
MAGGOT (10:23:21 PM): it actually heals the wound when you try to get to me
iNxlOvEx930 (10:23:36 PM): i do believe it's the other way around.
iNxlOvEx930 (10:23:41 PM): you're the one trying to get to me.
iNxlOvEx930 (10:23:46 PM): that's why you IM me.
MAGGOT (10:23:52 PM): no i just like fucking wid u
iNxlOvEx930 (10:23:54 PM): i didnt IM you. so i was not trying to get to you.
MAGGOT (10:24:20 PM): well now im going to go and live my life
iNxlOvEx930 (10:24:31 PM): you have fun with that.
MAGGOT (10:24:31 PM): and take the glass out, mayb ill re insert it late
MAGGOT (10:24:34 PM): later**
iNxlOvEx930 (10:24:35 PM): oh no, nvm. i dont care.
iNxlOvEx930 (10:24:43 PM): oh, so who's the cutter now?
MAGGOT (10:24:44 PM): bye bitch
iNxlOvEx930 (10:24:50 PM): thanks for the compliment.
MAGGOT (10:25:01 PM): no its not the way you think of it
iNxlOvEx930 (10:25:05 PM): i appreciate you trying to hurt me. it really has made my day today.
MAGGOT (10:25:14 PM): wow ur really cool
iNxlOvEx930 (10:25:16 PM): oh, so you were using it as a metaphor?
iNxlOvEx930 (10:25:20 PM): congratulations.
MAGGOT (10:25:26 PM): i honestly wish you were alore and that she was here
iNxlOvEx930 (10:25:27 PM): you must be getting an A+ in english.
iNxlOvEx930 (10:25:36 PM): maybe one day you'll get your wish, MAGGOT1.
MAGGOT (10:26:09 PM): i hope i do
iNxlOvEx930 (10:26:11 PM): but as an end note...i hope you think about everything you just said to me. that if you were to say it to someone else, they might just kill themself because of your heartless insults.
iNxlOvEx930 (10:26:24 PM): than their death would be on your shoulders.
iNxlOvEx930 (10:26:33 PM): i hope you have a nice time living with that kind of hell.
iNxlOvEx930 (10:26:35 PM): i really hope you do.
MAGGOT (10:26:41 PM): well i dont hate anyone else so i wudnt say that to then
iNxlOvEx930 (10:26:43 PM): maybe than you'll realize the pain people go through.
MAGGOT (10:26:46 PM): and im going to heaven hun
MAGGOT (10:26:49 PM): so bye bitch
iNxlOvEx930 (10:26:54 PM): oh, sure.
iNxlOvEx930 (10:26:58 PM): see you hell.
MAGGOT (10:27:09 PM): remember god forgives people for their sins
MAGGOT signed off at 10:27:15 PM.
MAGGOT signed on at 10:27:20 PM.
iNxlOvEx930 (10:27:35 PM): if you're so religious, why did you just encourage someone to kill themself?
MAGGOT signed off at 10:27:42 PM.
iNxlOvEx930 (10:27:42 PM): very self-contradicting, isnt it?
Previous message was not received by MAGGOT because of error (10:27:42 PM): User MAGGOT is not available.
iNxlOvEx930 (10:28:30 PM): like i said...see you in hell.
Previous message was not received by MAGGOT because of error (10:28:30 PM): User MAGGOT is not available.
 
***if you've ever been in a situation like this, please dont listen to the heartless maggot behind the cruel words. you're worth more than they tell you...you're worth so much more. ; i'd advise calling the police if someone does this to you.  DON'T FALL VICTIM TO INHUMANE CRUELTY.***
 


Saturday, November 14, 2009

split personalities.

some days, im so sure of who i am. im confident, im comfortable...im fine, you know? like, legitimately good. but than there's other days where i am so hopelessly confused about who i truly am, what i really want. ...like right now.

i feel like im split into two. 1 side of me is the easy-going, relaxed, "i dont give a fuck" type. where i feel hopeful, && carefree. when all i feel like doing is laughing && having a good time && going out. the other side is the part that has the dark && cruel thoughts. that's the side of me where i feel so hopeless && i can only concentrate on the bad things, not the good things in my life. i dont know which one is more present, but i know that they're both separately there. it's never the two mixed.

im so scared of it, though, because when im in the "dark side" mentallity, i think of all these horrible things...things i know better than to try. i fucking think about taking drugs, for Christ sake! what the fuck is the matter with me? why would i ever think of something like that? i've seen it destroy my sister's life, why would i even give it a second thought!?

i dont know ... maybe im just overreacting. whatever it is, though, i have to get it under control. i wont let this happen.

i wont let this ruin my life.


Wednesday, November 11, 2009

in honor of my 1 year anniversary with the blade,

i decided to write a little something something. :

it's been a year since i first picked you up.
it's been a year since i started to feel your presence.
12 months of knowing you're there for me, no matter what.
12 months of painfully pleasurable moments together.
am i done with your lovely lies && deception?
am i proud of the treasures you've left behind with your dagger sharp edge?
a year down the line, && the answers to those questions are still left unclear;
they're still left unknown, && complicating.  
our relationship- our sick, volatile relationship- has been destructive.
destructive, && yet i've found it productive in ways, too.
i've lost trust && pride, but gained character && strength.
i've learned so many things about myself, yet disguised myself more with each gentle stroke of yours.
my views && opinions of you are so complicated, so confusing,
just like this past year has been.
i dont know where i'll go from here- whether you'll be riding shotgun or not.
these roads we take are always so uncertain.
will we catch up again soon, just like the old days? or become distant friends?
will we become isolated from one another completely, && be left to dwell on the memories?
whatever path we take from here on in, i know for sure your footprints wont fade.
the traces you've left upon me shall forever hold a permanent place within me.
i love you, old friend.

happy anniversary.


Tuesday, November 03, 2009

something i wrote in science

on October 22nd, 2009. i like it a bit more than my other writings in my book. :

scars all around, scars carry me to the ground.
blood smeared astray, blood spills where i lay.
sirens, sirens; they're all i hear.
faint voices whisper in my ear;
they tell me nothing i want to hear.

---

the shit i write while learning about contour lines... ha.



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