i dont know if it's just my mood right now, but i think im slipping. not necessarily slipping into cutting again, but i feel myself getting sucked into that state of mind again. the state of mind where i wasnt happy. i found my happiness, i found the happiness i needed, but it's being clouded over by whatever fucking demons are inside me.

it's as if it doesnt matter. as if everything i have good in my life doesnt matter. i know that's not true, i wont let that be true. i love my family, im so glad i have them. im so afraid of losing them. oh God, im so scared. i dont know what i'd do if something were to happen. i'd die. every piece of my soul would die. i'd be nothing anymore. im scared of the future. im scared of what might happen. im scared of what wont happen. it's these fears that are haunting me && killing me.

these fears...these worries. i cant take them anymore. they hurt so bad. they hurt more than anything else in this world.